Published on July 11th, 2012 | by BioniKate

Off-skates Workout Bionikate Style!

Reprinted with permission from the author’s blog, Kate On Skates

Before you get all haughty about the title, this post is definitely not going to give you any kind of technical workout advice…that’s definitely Rambo’s job. This post is a little story about how I just “got my groove back” in the past week or so. (Sadly, Taye Diggs’ shirtless manhood did not assist me in this…an odd little Brazilian named Leandro helped though…and thank the lord, he was fully clothed.)

You all know the importance of off-skates workouts…you can’t just skate and be Rambo-ripped. You go to the gym, you do Crossfit…whatever, and so on. A little background on me: You’ve probably picked up on the fact that I’ve got some OCD tendencies with things: I fixate, I get a little over-zealous. Because of this, I’ve had to deny myself any access to a gym. I had an episode over a year ago where I became a complete meat head, doing rather unsafe things and conclusively overdoing it at the gym.

I got to the point of adrenal fatigue where normal body systems started malfunctioning and getting ready to shut down. At that time, I was forced to stop…it was excruciating. (Disclaimer: I’m not telling you to quit the gym too, just saying that I had to.) I realized my working out had to have a mission or goal to it, which is why I joined derby. It’s not about just tearing it up at a gym, but actually working with teammates to win something, and mastering some kind of skill, and just generally doing something weird or awesome.

However, even with derby, I was starting to get a little obsessed. You could probably see from my last few posts that I’d been getting pretty down on myself because I didn’t feel like I was progressing. I can only skate about an hour at a time, and it was getting so hard to pack in a bunch of maniacal “catching up” in that amount of time. So by chance, really…I started saying “yes” to a bunch of other odd little off-skate things. I’m having some fantastic little successes that are redirecting my focus and are making me not so neurotic about skating to where I can actually enjoy it again.

Enter Leandro and my wonderful friend of 16 years, who is a little susceptible to infomercial jargon (and I love her for it!). This dear lady ordered “Leandro Carvalho’s Brazil Butt Lift” workout DVDs late one night on a whim, and to justify it has fired herself up to accomplish the 60-day program. I couldn’t just leave my compadre hanging with that burden, so you know what?!? I’m butt lifting with her! I’m pretty sure that a large part of the workout is the laughing involved. We are a hot mess of uncoordination…it’s incredible.

Leandro is very difficult to understand with his accent, and most of his little posse of demonstrators (skinny bitches!) sport horrendous camel toes which is always disgusting to witness. Oddly though, after a little over a week, we’ve already seen ourselves make progress. Okay, I’m not really sure if my butt has lifted any, but the rest of me has definitely slimmed down. Then add some Quick n’ Dirty workouts along with this (because I can really only take so much Leandro/camel toe combo really…and I love me some Rambo kicking my ass!), and what do you know: less bulk on skates, extremely strong core, butt, and quads…I definitely have hope again.

So then I started thinking…why stop here (this kind of neurosis is positive, I promise)? Skating, butt lifting, quick n’ dirties…how about some belly dance lessons?!?! A member of my “Salacious Memoirs Bookclub” has been teaching and performing belly dance for the past 8 years and very graciously agreed to give some lessons. It is so freaking awesome!! Seriously, who knew that isolating your butt cheeks could be such a thrilling experience?! I’m not good at it (yet) and I was told I stand like a truck driver (ummm), but I love it and my abs love it. And the best part, I get to wear a jingly hip scarf and feel really girly.

I’m still not even stopping there…I’m loving this thrill of trying other things that complement derby. Next month Butt-Lift friend and I are rewarding ourselves for 30 days of butt lift completion by starting some rock climbing…because we’ll need the practice…because we’ve also made a pact to complete the freaking Warrior Dash in September! We are such BEASTS!!! And really, who knows what else I’ll try…I’ve really been wanting to go to a gun range and shoot the hell out of things. That’s not so much for obvious help on the cardio/weight building/derby front, but I can imagine it’s a fantastic way to de-stress.

I’ve pretty much known for a while that derby was something I’m meant for…I’m in it for the long haul. But what makes derby particularly awesome is what I can bring to it with the experience I’m gaining from all of these other crazy activities. Let’s see what else this effin’ steel reinforced leg will do.