Top Ten Rejected Rule Changes from WFTDA

10. No jam will start with less than 30 seconds left, unless you say “pretty please with a cherry on top” ..and actually can produce said cherry.

9. Skaters committing penalties after the fourth whistle will serve time in the box as a blocker …unless the infraction is singing “Jam on It” by Nucleus, then its as a jammer..and the penalty will last as long as the song.

8. Pivot covers cannot be exchanged with another skater, even if they promise to be your best friend.

7. Even if Facebook is getting hashtags, you still may go to the box for screaming “#BoredNow” during an official review.

6. Even for expediency’s sake, you cannot carry around an extendable claw toy to pick up fallen jammer panty covers quicker.

5. Tape is allowed on helmets and pads, but not AS helmets or pads.

4. Skaters’ numbers can be alphanumeric, but still not be emoticons. (“Red, halo-winky-face, forearm major!”)

3. Out of bounds engagement is updated to “If you only know your partner for 3 weeks, you really shouldn’t ask them to get married. I mean, c’mon.”

2. If you so much as think about forming a wall, you or one of your teammates will be sent to the box for a multiplayer block.

1. Penalty warnings will now be issued for gross misconduct with the head ref saying, “If this keeps up, I will turn this bout right around and we will all go home!”