Gotham’s Unsung Hero: Ana Bollocks

Just after Champs in Milwaukee, I had a conversation about the Texas-Gotham final with my coach and good friend Val Capone. “Ana killed it. Her game was just sick,” Val said.

“Sick” is a term that’s been used within sports in recent years to describe superb performances when championships are won and moments in which dynasties have been brought to light.

For instance, there was the time Michael Jordan scored 38 points to trounce the Utah Jazz during the 1997 NBA finals. In “The Flu Game,” Jordan fired up the Chicago Bulls to win Game 5 and turn the series on its head, doing it all with a 103-degree fever. That was small change, really. Nearly a decade earlier, Jordan dropped 63 alone in a playoff game against the Boston Celtics, and once dropped 69 on Cleveland.

In the 1988 Summer Olympics, Florence Griffith Joyner’s dominance was an event of its own as she shredded international rivals to win three gold medals. And there was France ‘98, when Zidáne unraveled the celebrated soccer champions, Brazil, ripping them inside out to score twice and lead France to win its first FIFA World Cup.

Ana Bollocks keeps an eye on the downed Nock Nock at Champs 2013, in Milwaukee. Photo: Tyler Shaw

One note about the 2013 WFTDA Championship and Gotham’s third consecutive Hydra: Ana Bollocks didn’t score a single point in the final, nor the entire Championship tournament. And it didn’t matter.

What Gotham’s behind-the-scenes veteran did do was play flawless defense, taking up the job of tamping down on the Texecutioners’ jammers, holding Texas when they were in the lead and making them slip when they tried to catch up. While the duties of a blocker can be rather inglorious, Bollocks and Gotham’s lines are what let Gotham’s jammers do damage on the scoreboard.

Bollocks’s great physical strength makes her an ideal pivot-blocker, where she swings like an axe wielded against opponents without warning. Really, like the best of defensive players, Ana Bollocks is everywhere that her team needs her to be, working with a sixth sense. She baits jammers and makes them cocky for a moment before clipping their wings or forcing the track cut that no one saw coming. She hits hard without being showy. And she does it all with a smile.

When Ana Bollocks is not singlehandedly guarding the inside line like the dogs of Hell -rattling anyone who might try to pervade it- she’s linking up with her blocking partners, activating Donna Matrix, Fisti Cuffs, Mick Swagger and others to shut down jammer traffic and let Gotham’s rotation run wild.

Whoever it was this summer that said on-air that, “Gotham is nothing without Bonnie Thunders,” apparently missed the yin/yang of Gotham’s well-rounded game. They also missed the lynchpin that fastens it all together.

Tasked with much of the nitty-gritty that helps unleash Gotham’s point-scoring assault, Ana Bollocks is Gotham’s greatest unsung hero and one of the game’s most stealth weapons.

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Andy Frye

Andy Frye writes about derby for Fiveonfive and has written for a variety of other sports publications. As LeBron Shames, he skates with the Chicago Bruise Brothers.

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About the Author

Andy Frye Andy Frye writes about derby for Fiveonfive and has written for a variety of other sports publications. As LeBron Shames, he skates with the Chicago Bruise Brothers.

Andy Frye

As the Irish say, “you’ll get a right bollocking.”
http://susypow.com/ Susy Pow

The reliability of Gotham’s blockers is what makes Gotham’s jammers look good.
Sometime_flier

Gotham is always great to watch. Nice piece!

(Linchpin, not lynchpin.)
- bozo
  
  nah you can also spell it lynchpin
  - Andy Frye
    
    Yup. I’ve looked it up. Discovered this when once writing about Giants pitcher Tim Lincecum, and autocorrect kept trying to change his name to “lynchpin”.
saschaCD

MICK SWAGGER!
Zetschka

Blockers deserve more recognition. It’s great that Gotham’s bout videos (find them on NYC Life) show who’s on the track for each jam.
jeanne22

Hey, what about the other 2 blockers in the pic here- OMG WTF and Violet Knockout. Pretty amazing blockers, too.
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kkjhn4

The 1927 Yankees offensive lineup that included Babe Ruth and Lou Gherig was known as Murderers Row. Gotham’s version of Murderers Row are it’s all - star lineup of blockers. Ana Bollocks, Sexy Slaydie, OMG WTF, Mick Swagger, Veronica Knockout, Hyper Lynx. This is the stuff of nightmares for opposing jammers and coaches. By the way, to those who say Gotham is “nothing” without Bonnie let me say, Suzy Hotrod, Vicious Van GoGo, Claire D. Way and you better learn the name Miss Tea Maven. If you consider those blockers and jammers nothing I have only one question, what color is the sky in your world?
- Andy Frye
  
  I’d pick Fisti Cuffs as a part of my M-Row.