Funtimes!

10. To be fair to blockers, jammers must now start on a knee.

9. All scrum starts must now include a rugby ball. Jammer who breaks through the pack with the ball is lead jammer. (Hakas optional.)

8. Skaters must make "BEEP BEEP BEEP" noises anytime they block while skating backwards as a warning to those behind them.

7. Every bout must include one jam ref with a helmet cam. To improve audience enjoyment, every bout must also include one outside pack ref with a television on top of their helmet. (Flat screen preferred.)

10. No conflicts. This weekend has no WFTDA Championships, the St. Louis Rams have a bye week, and even the St. Louis Blues halted the start of the NHL season for it!*

9. Last year: 1 day, 6 teams. This year: 2 days, 8 teams. That's 133% more jeggings!

8. For $30 you get a ticket to 11 bouts, meanwhile a ticket to 11 movies in most places will run you $112.75.

7. More beards than the Lumberjack World Championships!

10. When skaters go around and around – they’re actually making points.

9. Totally better boutfits at South Centrals.

8. Refereeing bound to be better than what moderator Jim Lehrer showed us.

7. At South Central: Team Heckle allowed to roam free, at the Presidential Debates: tazed within an inch of their life.

6. Only issue with Big Bird at South Central is if he sitting in front of you.

5. Referees can’t be swayed to give you more than a 2-minute jam, no matter what you say.

Prove me wrong! What did you think was the best moment at Easterns?

10. DC Rollergirls won their games entirely as a team. They were presented with opportunities to show their strength and they really took advantage of them.

9. Sadly, there are fans who did not get enough attention as children and want to make it about them and not about the sport.

8. There are athletes who step up when a heavy workload is put upon them. One of those is I.M. Pain of Charm City Roller Girls.

10. Her carry-on item is a pair of Antiks.

9. Practices hip-checks walking down the airplane aisle and blames it on turbulence.

8. Asks if the airplane snacks are approved by Derbalife.

7. Spends the flight scribbling out Batman-esque "Oly" puns on a napkin.

6. Before the pilot can finish saying that they're flying over the Rocky Mountains, she interrupts with "Rocky Rocky Rocky! Fight Fight Fight!"

5. Has spent the entire flight polling everyone's opinion on Angel City v Wasatch for her Bracket Bonanza.

10. More unique names. After all, how many "Mannings" can a fan take?!?

9. More stickers on helmets.

8. Use the appropriate city names: "Charm City Ravens", "Rat City Seahawks" etc.

7. Running clock the whole game.

6. Touchdown celebrations have to include player jumping over teammates a la Quadzilla.

5. Every game - winning and losing teams do a "victory lap" and slap hands with fans.

4. Three words: Dallas Cowboys Jeerleaders

3. VIP sideline seating

2. Head coaches allowed to be dressed up like mascots.

10. I've decided to take all of next week's lunch breaks in a row today. ...I'm really hungry?

9. Oh, I just have this on in the background to watch between calls. Oh? How did my phone get unplugged?

8. Video? No, this is a computer virus. I'm just waiting for the IT guys to get here. ...No, I haven't called them yet.

7. I was thinking about a more aggressive business methodology based on a colleague's issuance of "Fuck you, get pas..ahem.. I mean "I dare you to get by me, Other Corporation. . . . yeah."

I'm totally entranced by this roller derby mosaic by Nicolas Charest. It is made up of what I assume are zillions of photographs of roller derby--maybe taken by Nicolas? If anyone knows the story behind this, please send it in! The people (ie, me) want to know.

by Trigger Mortis, Assassination City Roller Derby, Dallas, TX

So in my never ending fitness quest, I am trying to stay away from salt, but eating food without salt is like derby without a pivot line start. (What? We still have a pivot line start? Why didn't someone tell me?) Ok, better analogy; eating food without the flavor of salt is like derby without Smarty Pants. Or Dumptruck.

So, in an attempt to recreate the flavor of Dumptruck, I give you...my Pickled Pecker Casserole;