The (D)Evolution of a Derby Girl

Figure A. The reverse evolution of a rollergirl. Or, how long it took me to learn to skate lower.

by Grandma Tron (aka Valtron 3000, Rat City Roller Girls member since August 2004)

1. You’ll undergo reverse evolution (see Figure A).
2. Your body will be crooked forever.
3. If you put in the work and have the drive to be great, anyone can excel at roller derby.
4. Cross training really is your friend (and it will help you stay healthy to skate 7 years and beyond).
5. Let your skating do the talking, not your mouth.
6. Don’t get too emotionally involved. Sh* happens, you may not like people, they might not like you, but try to be a grown up whenever possible.
7. Don’t overextend yourself. Learn to say no and try not to do everything for everyone. Don’t burn your light out too quickly.
8. Drink water and eat at the afterparty. Set the drink down when dancing and try to pace yourself.
9. Someday you might be a video game character, and you will be comfortable picking a wedgie, falling, and crying in front of 7,000 people.
10. Have a clear exit strategy. Start clipping for your vision board of a life without derby. (It’s ok to cry!)