Six Reasons Derby Hangovers Are Better than the Other Kind

By Maul E. Mayhem #666

1.) Waking up with barely faded permanent marker on my biceps can be covered with sleeved shirt

VS.

Waking up fully clothed in bed (or fully naked somewhere inappropriate) with a suicidal feeling of guilt and regret that can’t be covered with *anything*

2.) You just had the derby night of your life, great people, etc. and you are jonesing for MORE but realize it's Monday and it's time for work, reality, school whatever… blah.

VS.

Having a great night (or the parts you remember) with great people (who albeit may have spilt, broke, puked on your *fill in the blank*) where you are most definitely not jonesing for more of the hair of the dog… get that away from me!

3.) I’ll take smelling like inside of a well-used wrist guard

VS.

Smelling like the inside of a bottle depot/brewery/hobo's mouth.

4.) The bruises and aches and pains one wakes up to after derby are rewarding and earned

VS.

The bruises and aches and pains one wakes up to after a night of drinking involve having to solve some kind of unfortunate mystery… “and then I must’ve slipped on that guy's puke and fell down those stairs… after running into that chair…”

5.) Having to answer to the Refs

VS.

Having to answer to the cops! (Another frickin’ noise complaint!?)

6.) Daydreaming about your next derby experience

VS.

Puking/dry heaving until 2 pm the next day, right? … Enough said.