Sober Roller Derby

by DerbyLife February 11, 2012 - 6:19pm

By Anonymous, Blue Ridge Rollergirls

April 13, 2010. My first derby bout.

My attention was evenly split between two things: the beer vendors and roller derby. One was a current obsession, an old friend. It was a slow and sneaky passion that had made its way into my life like a shadow. The other was a brand new fixation that I would use to help me let go of the other. As I sat in the suicide seats, trying to figure out how I could get enough money for a beer, I had no idea that I was on my final run with alcohol. I had no idea the end was near – I didn’t even think I had a problem. Alcohol was my solution.

I shifted around on the cold concrete floor, asking a million questions about the game, while at the same time antsy to get something to take the edge off. Beer was $5. I didn’t have $5. This was a problem. My attention was split when I saw the Blue Ridge Rollergirls roll out onto the track. I knew immediately I needed to be one of them. I made up my mind that I would be. At that moment, I had no intention of ever stopping drinking alcohol.

Fast forward a month. Life had continually edged more and more to the right, and was heading straight downhill, all of it related to drinking. Blackouts, bad decisions, dangerous situations. One drink was never enough. A nice beer after work would lead to an all-nighter. Every night. It didn’t start this way. At first drinking was for parties and weekends. Then Thursdays. Then it was a great way to unwind after work. I’d drink to celebrate, to mourn, to deal with anger, to relax, to get pumped up. It was always a good time to drink.

In June, I had new skates and I was 30 days sober. Already I was questioning the wisdom of joining a sport in which you can win an award for partying the hardest, but it was too late; I was head over heels in love. I had zero talent, but an infallible desire to make it. My evenings, formerly spent drinking margaritas at The Lucky Otter, beer at The Wedge, or wine at home, were filled with learning to stop, fall and move on roller skates at an outdoor hockey rink. I was out of shape and hadn’t played a sport in over 10 years. Sobriety rocked my world. When it settled, there stood roller derby.

At 90 days sober I was reaching out to my newly discovered “higher power,” tentatively asking whether I could possibly hold on to this tenuous sobriety while at the same time falling even harder for roller derby. Even before becoming fresh meat, I juggled fitting in AA meetings with my meager skating time. One night I googled “sober roller girls” in the hopes of finding that this could, indeed, be done. (I didn’t find much.) That same week I found out a skater on my team I admired was also in recovery. It was just what I needed – a small sign to keep on keepin’ on.

Today I am a few days past 21 months sober. I am a different person in so many ways. I still struggle to figure out how to fit it all in and I am slowly piecing my messy life back together. I am a full-fledged Blue Ridge Rollergirl, with my first season under my belt. I go to AA meetings 3-4 times a week. I hit the gym 2-3 times a week. We practice 3 times a week, and I try not to miss even one, as I have a long way to go before I am good. Sometimes I need to miss a practice and hit an extra meeting. My coach knows, and supports me wholeheartedly.

In the beginning, I went to the after-parties, but I have found that I am not comfortable there, as much as I really want to be. There is a sense of loneliness I get from not attending as many derby functions with my team, but I realize it is just a different path I am choosing. If I want to skate, this is what I must do. A bar is a dangerous place for a newly-sober alcoholic so why risk everything I have worked so hard to earn? For me, to drink again would be to lose roller derby.

These days I eat healthfully and I work out – something I can thank sobriety and roller derby for. The other sober roller girl on my team relapsed, and it is very lonely sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade it for all the drinks and all the amazing after-party stories in the world. Because I know that without sobriety, I would never have been given the gift of roller derby. And while the words “sober” and “roller girl” aren’t often seen together, that doesn’t mean they can’t be.

Section(s): 
Derby Life
Up Close And Personal

Comments

Submitted by lady quebeaum on March 21, 2012 - 12:38pm

on 21 months and derby.

Submitted by Mercy Less on March 21, 2012 - 12:38pm

Just so you know, tons of us over the years have been missing out on afterparties - you're not alone. For me, it was because I had to get home to my 2 kids, who had already been without me for most of a bout day. For others there are other reasons. I don't drink anymore either - as a health choice. Is it time for us to create some kind of online resource for Team No Fun? Congratulations on your sobriety, and thanks for sharing with all of us!

Submitted by redheadedruckus on March 21, 2012 - 2:32pm

I normally don't comment on anything but I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. I've been sober for 3 years as of February and I know exactly what you're going through. I know the sense of loneliness even when you're surrounded by people. I also skip the after parties and the events involving alcohol, I know what it's like to hear all the stories the next day and feel left out. It's always hard to be the sober one but in another way, it can be so rewarding. I wanted to tell you that you're not alone, I might be on another team far away but I'll be thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts.

Submitted by Brianasaurus on March 21, 2012 - 4:44pm

I have high hopes that many girls will read this story. It's one that needs to be read. You're inspiring to many more than you realize. I'm thankful you found your voice here. Congratulations!!

Submitted by derbyjunkie on March 21, 2012 - 5:16pm

Congratulations, on being close to two years sober, for being brave enough to tell the world your story, and for for finding a force so strong it's allowed you to turn your life around. Good on you. Wishing you Health , happiness, and continued strength in your Battle.

Submitted by whiskey001 on March 21, 2012 - 5:41pm

Thank you for being so brave as to post this - I have been sober a little over 6 years and playing roller derby for 3 - I have never had a more caring and supportive group of friends as I do in derby , next to my AA family - the difference being, if I even thought about having a drink now, my derby girls would tackle me to the ground!
One of my best freinds in sobriety pulled me into the derby community and I've never looked back - Sometimes I go to after parties, sometimes not - and my derby girls support me either way....
Keep coming back...

Submitted by FemiFist on March 22, 2012 - 11:49am

Congratulations on your sobriety and thank you for sharing your story. I'm going to jump in here with a "me too!" I've been sober for over 10 years and have been playing roller derby for over 5. There are a handful of us in my league. Know that you have some sisters in sobriety with the Dixie Derby Girls!

Submitted by fwhip on March 23, 2012 - 9:05pm

Your honesty and genuine sharing is so nice to see. There is no doubt that you have put a lot of courage and determination into your sobriety and I hope that roller derby continues to be a place of support, acceptance, and ass-kickin' community. Keep it up - it will only get better!

Submitted by Throb Zombie on March 23, 2012 - 10:02pm

I am a ref and a dude but I have also struggled with alcohol and drug addiction. Just passed my 2 year sobriety mark and have found my new addiction with derby. I try to seek a balance in all I do, since I know that I can approach anything with an addictive edge, and derby has definitely been a healthy substitute for the more self destructive obsessions I have engaged in over the years. I presumed there were others out there, and just today I was curious if there was a facebook page or something similar for skaters in recovery. Stay strong, all of you, and we'll get there, one day at a time!

Submitted by Plowher on March 23, 2012 - 10:19pm

I have been sober for almost a year now, and while I was not an alcoholic by any means, I decided to quit drinking. I have been involved with berby for a year and a half, and I attend all the afterparties. I have a great time and I stay to the very end to make sure everyone has a safe ride home and to make sure there are no problems with the bar. I am the teams unofficial DD, and I wouldnt trade any of it. Good luck with your sobriety, and I hope some day you can go back to the afterparties and enjoy being sober around your drunk sisters. They cant remember what happened the morning after, but if they give me a call, I can fill them in ;)

Submitted by J-Bone on March 24, 2012 - 10:31am

I started playing derby just after my 1 year sober anniversary. I am an alcoholic and am very public about it in hopes of helping out other derby sisters that may be going through the same thing. Flash forward, I recently celebrated 4 years of sobriety and derby has been a constant in my life ever since. When I first joined up a lot of my "sober" friends were worried about me with all the after parties and events in bars. Luckily I worked fast with my wonderful sponsor and made it through my 12 steps before I even knew derby existed. The big book of AA states that we shall be able to walk amonst the men. My interpretation of that is that I can go where anyone else can so long as I am living the steps in my day to day life. This has held true for me and I rarely miss an after party. I'm usually the last one dancing and the first to offer rides home and steal keys! For me, my obsession was lifted toward the end my my first year sober and the bars never really bothered me after that year. I use my tools...like I always have a drink in my hand (non-alcoholic of course) and I fill my time with dancing, blabbing with adrenaline rushed team mates and having an all around fun time. I will say that if I had found derby before my obsession was lifted I would have not been able to attend any of the bar activities. But due to the wonderful program of AA, and me following all suggestions and doing my step work I have been feeling great! I hope that this message also helps some sober rollers! I always welcome convo's and I love to help out the next alcoholic/addict, so if anyone is struggling with recovery in derby and needs support please email me!

Submitted by Betty Ford Gala... on March 24, 2012 - 2:05pm

Hello,

I am super open about being sober. Betty Ford Galaxy 12 steps pretty much says it. I have been sober since 11-25-02. My derby family is super supportive of my sobriety and understand that sobriety comes before derby. There are sometimes I have to miss something derby to go to my homegroup meeting. Trust me - my team wants me to stay sober... They are supportive and I appreciate that.

There is a private FB group for those who are both currently active in Roller Derby - skater / ref / nso. AND AND AND actively working a 12 step recovery program. We are pretty strict on this. We are not saying you have to be sober (relapses happen) but that you are working toward sobriety in a 12 step program. AA - CA - NA - etc. There are currently 51 members in our group. You are not alone. We welcome you. Some of us have meet up at regionals, I met up with one at worlds, other derby events, a ton are going to rollercon and I host sober nights at my house if you live in the Seattle area. In the FB group we celebrate each others sober time, give encouragement and talk thru our issues. It's pretty awesome.

If you are in roller derby and working a 12 step recovery and you want to be added to our group please email me at [email protected] or send me a private message on FB - with the new time line you can private message my FB athlete page. Again we are strict that you are working a 12 step program.

IF you are NOT working a 12 step program but are interested in learning more, also message me and I would love to talk to you about it. Over the 8+ years of my derby I have taken many rollergirls to meetings and answered a zillion questions - I understand 12 step is not for everyone - I don't judge if you don't like it. I have had a few girls stay. That is pretty cool too.

(FYI - we are not trying to be exclusive - it was the group conscience to only have 12 steppers in the group, just like in a 12 step program it is our common peril that unites us. We unite by working an active program, I still go to 1-3 meetings a week - every week, even with derby)

Submitted by derbyisfun on March 26, 2012 - 3:02pm

Coming from a league that oddly has a committee for celebrating drinking and winning afterparties, this is a great message and reminder. Congratulations on your sobriety.

Submitted by Dixie Devestation on April 18, 2012 - 12:11pm

After being sober 6 years+this year have really become obsessed (in a good way) with Roller Derby. Cant wait to get on some skates and get close with some women. Good to hear that other leagues are supporting sobriety. I was worried knowing that derby has a reputation:)

Submitted by sckain on April 20, 2012 - 5:23pm

You have a brother in Charm City!

Sober since 9/6/06!

LH