What Did I Do Now?

One of the most fabulous derby woman I know, Penny Slain, recently noted that you shouldn't be too hard on yourself about knowing all the ins and outs, dos and don'ts of derby until your second season. Nevertheless, at this last Saturday's bout, as I stood like a deer in the headlights after being called on yet another penalty of which I had no clue what I had done or how to proceed, I felt like a giant ass. You would think after a year of skating I would know which illegal procedure I was being called on or how I had a clockwise block or what the fuck just happened. So I re-read the rules. This is of little value as the comprehension part during the fast paces of a bout is the issue. Perhaps I need a memory enhancer. After all, they say the mind is the first to go.

So one Gingko biloba and one, make that two, shots of Jameson later, my epiphany is that derby is complicated. Not just the explicit rules but the implicit non-rules. And like not everyone is born a great chess player, playing derby and learning the different nuances takes not only great leadership and guidance but also just plain time playing derby. That being said, there's really no easing into this sport.

Like most everyone else I know, I was thrown into the deep end of derby. So far I have not drown.
Part of my own personal challenge is centered around my physical shape. I cried at my first practice and my second and too many to count since. While I am much more solid than I was a year ago, my league runs a really fast game and I am slow, feel out of shape, exhausted from my busy life and, crap, kind of old. When practicing - training really - I wipe away the tears and look around at women so inspirational it pushes me to just skate and be better. Sometimes it is so difficult being the slowest skater on my league. It is a real struggle for me to perform at the level they do. Somewhere in me though I know I can do this.

When I'm skating, I do not remember the shit storm going on at home or at work or wherever. I don't remember the horrible things that happened to me as a child or the abusive alcoholic I was once married to. Apparently, I also don't remember all the rules and penalties either but as I play in more bouts, scrimmages and even drills, I can focus on learning the game in conjunction with strengthening my body.

One thing learned from my green-horned knowledge of the rules on Saturday is, when you don't know what is going on, just skate. Seriously. During the bout, I needlessly spewed the F word for our family-friendly audience as penalties before the whistle confuse the hell out of me. It occurred to me later over my usual whiskey and beer, that if I just keep skating, someone will tell me if I need to do anything but skate. This someone will probably even yell and point at me while blowing their whistle. With time, knowing what I did or even what to do will come more naturally. For now I'm just going to skate so I can be better.