I'm Sorry, I'm Not Sorry - Derby is Not My Highest Priority

By Raven Von Kaos - Santa Cruz Derby Girls

Is roller derby your first priority? Do you put derby above your family, kids, real-world responsibilities, job, or even your sanity? Am I a horrible teammate and skater because I don't and I won't?

Regionals seem to hot on everyone's mind right now - what personal sacrifice does it take to help your team get to regionals? More nights away from family? More time traveling on the road? More time day-dreaming about derby glory? Or is about efficiency with the time you have?

I have a demanding job that I love. Work is my first priority. I have worked REALLY hard to get to where I am career wise and plan on climbing the corporate ladder as high as I can get - no glass ceiling, right? This year I had to miss a game due to a work conflict and I have missed more than a few practices due to traveling, jet lag and exhaustion. Luckily, I have had understanding coaches who recognize that I push myself every practice and did not want me to stress out and come to practice tired or resentful. I had an amazing season and am twice the derby player I was back in January. I feel that part of this is due to the fact that this small stress was taken off my plate.

I'm sorry, but I'm not sorry - Derby is my hobby, not my life. It is something that brings me joy, challenges me in fantastic ways, surrounds me with awesome people and generally helps me get through life.

I love and am dedicated to my team and this sport and myself as a player. I want my team to go to regionals next year more then anything but I refuse to see it as a personal or team failure if we don't make the cut. If we tried as hard as we realistically could that is all anyone could ask.

I will have to miss games in the future, I'm sure of it. I will have to miss practices because I am on business trips or too tired or stressed out to go, but that doesn't mean I'm anything less than 100% dedicated to my team and I would assume the same if anyone on my team had to miss a practice or a game. I trust in them that they are doing their best - that's what being on a team is about. Trust.

I'm proud of what I have accomplished in my career and even prouder because I did it while dedicating myself to something as great as derby. It's all about the balance. I admire the women who are mothers, PhDs, lawyers, students, hair stylists and just generally anyone who knows what it is like to have to balance real life and derby.

We are not professional athletes - I wish we were, but that is the reality of it. We all have to pay rent or mortgages, pick the kids up from school, pay attention to our significant others and get dinner on the table while at the same time thinking about strategy, connecting with our team and getting the most out of our time in derby.

I'm certain that the women on Oly, Gotham, Rocky Mountain and BADG all have day jobs, families and commitments that take them away from time-to-time. What they do have over other teams is trust on the track. When you are out there playing with your team that is the time to put all the petty things aside. So-and-so missed practice this week or came pooh-faced to the game . . . that shit does not matter when you are on the track. What matters is that I trust that you are going to be where you need to be (like you always are) so I can do what I need to do (like I always do) and TOGETHER we will work for the win.

It's about getting to that next level together as team and trusting in each other that we are all working for the same goal. Most importantly it is about respecting each other and the fact that every single skater has a life that they need to lead and that has nothing to do with a perceived commitment level. Once that trust is built it's all track magic from there.