Top Ten Most Commonly Found Phrases in a Derby Skater's Letter to Santa

10. "'Good' is such a relative term..."

9. "Please take into account the fact that I did not foul out of any game this year..."

8. "That thing at that place after the after-party my lawyer has told me really isn't technically illegal in most states."

7. "Rumors that I lost my temper are completely unfounded, and if I ever find out who told you I'll rip them a new ... a ... a new bit of tinsel to help their Christmas tree look even nicer."

6. "I'm hoping you'll be the first one NOT to take the ref's side of that story."

5. "How about this. I'm nice, and you suddenly have two comped tickets to next season's home opener?"

4. "I honestly was just trying to help the freshie have an opportunity to show she knows how to fall correctly."

3. "How about this. I give you 15 girls naughtier than me and you slide me over to the good side?"

2. "Please find attached my Captain's recommendation letter. Please disregard the fact she's on the naughty list, too."

1. "Think about it, Santa: you can either have cookies and milk waiting for you on Christmas Eve, or me, upset, and in full gear. ...Just... think about it."